Integrity

     I have had things happen with teenagers in my life over the past few weeks (to say nothing of the ongoing mess in DC) that has made me think about integrity.
     What is it? What does the word mean?  When do we "become"...........OK, no adjective form.   When do we start to show it?
     Webster's defines it as "firm adherance to a code of especially moral or artistic values."  also " the quality or state of being complete or undivided".  I thought long and hard about the additional definition of "an unimpaired condition".
     As a matter of fact, I thought about it so long, I fell asleep for awhile. (Sorry, late Saturday night, early Sunday start does it every time).  An "unimpaired condition" ?  Being complete or undivided makes sense, of course, with concepts of structural integrity.  Most of us probably dwell on the first concept of "...adherance to a code....." and then rely on synonyms for help.  Me, too!
     The list includes : completeness, perfection, wholeness, stability, purity, simplicity and of course HONESTY.
     I think about one of the interview questions for a Temple recommend, asking if we are honest in our dealings with our fellow men.  What spiritual and personal wholeness do we attain when we can confidently answer that question with a "yes"?  And why is it among the list of requirements to enter the Lord's House?  Because it is a personal strength that each of us needs to gain, as we make our way through the maze of emotional, social and moral decisions that have eternal consequences.
     And, you know, like all forms of strength, we are not just "born with it".  No, our nature is actually the opposite.  Won't go into numerous references to "the natural man" in scripture, but they are there.
     Every person finds their way (or not) at their own pace, and by their own choices.  We have all done things growing up, that showed that we we were "divided".  We were split between the desire to have our own way at any cost, and the aknowledgment that other values were more important than our personal desires.  Life experiences and events taught us to recognize that there is a difference, and then we had to start making the choices that either make us "whole" or keep us constantly divided.  A person with integrity still has to make a decision, but they will have an easier time of it, because they will place more weight on what is right, and can still feel good about the decision, even if they didn't get what they wanted.
     On the contrary, a person "learning" or lacking integrity, will have the emotional roller coaster of knowing that their desire can only be acheived by deceipt, malice, violence, force, etc., and whatever, but still wanting it badly enough that they will go against their own conscience.  Then they struggle with the concept of right and wrong versus reward and punishment. 
     I remember a time when I was young, and my best friend and I had ridden the city bus downtown, I think to shop for mother's day?  Anyway, we were supposed to be back at a certain time, and had been instructed to make sure we were home.  We missed the last bus, and decided not to call home because we would get in trouble.  (smile here at my own youthful ignorance of "trouble").  The walk home left us two choices, basically.  Approximately 5 miles, passing through some "troubled" neighborhoods, where 2 young caucasian males would not only stand out, but ........(fill in your own ideas)..... and walking down the freeway easement, which still passed these neighborhoods, but with some vegetation and fences as separation.
     As we were starting down the freeway onramp, trying to work sideways into the brush as quickly as possible, I remember saying to my friend that this was illegal.  He responded that "it's only illegal if we get caught".
     We made it home and got into the trouble we had feared, but we also were grateful that it was the only trouble we ran into.  I think I made progress that day in recognizing the difference in "trouble" from our parents and leaders, as opposed to "trouble" that exists in the world.
     Many of our teenagers watch the examples around them, while trying to figure out which is more important.  Training their conscience to "relax", so they can get what they want, without feeling guilty about it, or following along when their conscience "tells" them that certain behaviors are more "right" than others.  As we follow our conscience, "right" becomes the most important consideration.  When we disregard those feelings, we can only ever "retrace" our steps, or continue down a road that we know (deep down) is contrary to our divine origin and destination.
     Over time, this "house divided against itself" will be lacking in inner strength, and for many who progress down this path, their outward facade will also be one that others eventually see as "unwhole".
     I guess what I have concluded is that integrity basically means this:  We are one with our conscience, even and especially when we are ALONE with our conscience.  When we make "the right" decision because it is right, even with the possibility that no one else will ever know but us, then we have reached that place where we are whole, where we are complete, going through the decisions of life unimpaired.