Herr Wahlquist, the "Gumstapo"

I am not in a happy place right now. I am even in a less happy place in my classroom as of late. Let me explain.

I thoroughly enjoy teaching. It does not pay well enough for me to be doing it, if I did not have a high level of satisfaction in other areas, related to teaching. I find entertainment, challenge and joy in stimulating young minds. Sometimes, we disagree, but it is wonderful to watch students think through something, get creative, and come up with solutions or ideas that are their own. (any either language)

I incorporate a significant level of history, politics (social studies teacher, can't help it!) and hopefully life-skills and values, into my classroom. (I know, in our current culture, the "values" part may get me in trouble, but I stay away from specific religious views, and promote things like honesty, respect, responsibility, etc.)

As to respect, I have taken the stance from my first year teaching, that teenagers should be shown a level of respect and consideration appropriate for young adults. ( on the condition that they act accordingly). This relates specifically to things like chewing gum, water-bottles, and movement in the classroom.

I have tried to be pretty relaxed about chewing gum, because I really don't like wasting time dealing with it. My only conditions have been that I neither see it (bubbles, or open mouth chewing), nor hear it (chomping and slurping), and that there never be evidence it was here, once the chewer has left the room. Well, recently I have had to put on the uniform of the "gum Gestapo", or the "Gumstapo".

For those less familiar, the Gestapo, (German acronym for GEheime STAats POlizei), was Nazi Germany's secret state police, words translated in correct order and form. They were masters of scare tactics, secrecy, intimidation and bullying as means of controlling the population, or hunting down information and other state goals. Even many high ranking officials were nervous when the Gestapo came calling, because they answered only to the highest powers in the Government.

See, history lesson, can't help it. Anyway........

I have had occassion recently to be aggravated. I have been discovering new, if not fresh, wads of gum in places in my room that remove the possibility of "old" or accidental. Therefore I have started some Gumstapo tactics.

I am stopping each student at the door, and having them show me their shoes, to ensure that they aren't "tracking" it in. Like the historical model, public embarrassment was useful. They have to spit out gum before being seated. This hasn't worked completely, because the last 3 days, I found 2 wads that seem to be "maliciously" placed. Escalation!! Next step, enforce policy. Gum is not allowed, so I informed students there would be a discipline write-up if they were caught chewing gum.

In an almost funny first test, I had been chewing out my first period class (pun intended), and had given them the instruction to get rid of any gum, no consequences. I then went on for several minutes about respect, maturity, rules, and such, not to mention the grossness of finding a fresh wad of gum while moving a desk. I looked back to one corner of the room just in time to see a flash of yellow as one girl started talking to her neighbor. Not teeth yellow, certainly not natural mouth color. SHE STILL HAD GUM IN HER MOUTH!!!

Well, what am I supposed to do? Any parent will tell you, if you make the threat of punishment, follow through. So she got a trip to the office, and ended up with 5 days lunch detention for insubordination. I had, after all, given instruction to spit out gum, AND a chance to do so with out penalty.

Then, today, I found a wad stuck to the bottom of a chair leg!!!! Someone wants to play hardball. I guess my next step will be to have the students learn what it is like to live with the Gestapo. You stand at attention near your desk until instructed otherwise, class begins with desks flipped over and inspected. Class ends with desks flipped over and inspected again. "criminals" will be dealt with in the most severe manner. Those who forget to spit out their gum before class will simply be written up.

It sounds like fun, doesn't it? I am wondering just how far my little game will have to go before the obnoxious parties involved get the message. I asked one of my "mentors" if they thought it would be too much to have students flash their pearly whites and say "aaahh" as they enter the room. LOL, they thought it might be an appropriate next step.

I should have started this entry:

Not so long ago, in an Arkansas town far, far away......

Gum Wars: Episode 1

The Gooey Menace

The galaxy is in disarray. In an "underhanded" (or "under the table?) move, Rebels have defiled the sanctity of the Galactic Empire's seating arrangements. Empirial officials have dispatched the dreaded "GUMstapo", protectors of the sanity, cleanliness and general well-being of the empire's many peaceful citizens.

Martial Law ensues..........

Okay, I could get carried away with this, and I have made the mistake of portraying myself as the Empire(the bad guys in the movies). You're not supposed to want the rebellious gumchewers to "win". Maybe I should recast them as the notorious Hutts, and figure a re-write.

Stay tuned for reports and updates of latest casulties.

"May the farce be with us all."